Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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