Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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