She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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