It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
