I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
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He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
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I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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