Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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