You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I want to be your penis for a week.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
