Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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