My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
