Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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