Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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