omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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