Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
