i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
