I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
