i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
