Three words: puerto rican gang bang
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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