I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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