oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Fuck appropriateness.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
