hotel room ftw
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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