We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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