The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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