sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I am available for nakedness
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
