Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I love having hate sex.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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