so explain again why im purple
no
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
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I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
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You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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