Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
