her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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