You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
