have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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