Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Can I color on your dick again?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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