i don't like sucking hair
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
you would pick up someone in the library
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
