my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
