also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
