apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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