your room smells of hookers.
And success
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
