Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
