I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
