Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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