I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
