Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
