walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
