her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
