slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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