think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Every concussion has its silver lining
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
