Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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