Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
