you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
