The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
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I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
no. you can't hotbox the world.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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