i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
