I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
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