The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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