THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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