how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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