My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
