I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
