you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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