I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
