My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Jerry, you need to find god
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
