Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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