i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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