he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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