He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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