I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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