is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
This house was built for laser tag.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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