Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
