I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
