apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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