My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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