I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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