It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
