how can u be prego again
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
