i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
