I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
