Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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