just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
