I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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