did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
