I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
