We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
